Escape

It's been a while I never touched this blog, I've been busy all day all the time, time to re-organize my things, my work and my life....

I felt lost lately, felt that I wanna go somewhere to escape from my fear, my problem...

I've been so busy this day, have to learn more and more about how to manage my time...I felt so exhausted, coz I can't leave my blackberry for a while, coz my shop in there, customer ask and ask about product, and  they keep message till midnight, I don't have time to watch movie again and relax again....maybe it is because of me want to work harder and harder to reach my goals....I started this bussiness from zero, from nothing... I quit from my work, move to another work, and don't have money to start this bussiness... But I really believe that with hard work I can do what I want to do. I started from sell someone else's product without any capital, just get it from that profit until I can buy blackberry and start my own bussiness.... And this bussiness also stressful though, but sometime I enjoyed that... I love to see people wear the gorgoeus dress and make them pretty....

At some point I really need relax and really wanna go somewhere to escape from all of this...An try to get my spirit back... Sometimes this bussiness up and down, this make my feeling like a rollercoaster... And then I feel jealous with someone's life, seems like they can reach whatever they want easily..... But sometime I'm just happy with my life, with people who loves me much, and really care about me, my bestfriend who always be here for me even she so far.... 

I figure it out that I need learn something new, that make me stress that I do the same routines everyday, I need something different, dont have time back to college continue again my study, I thinking about taking cooking course? or computer course or back to japanese course?, really need to do something to refresh my brain, dont want my knowledge just stuck in my head....

Or maybe I can teach accounting for free? for they who really want to learn that, coz Its difficult to find someone who really interest about accounting....So many option there... But I dont have any move, which one I really want to do to escape my routines....

 

Selamat Ulang Tahun -Cerpen

Hari ini hujan rintik-rintik, aku menatap ke arah jendela cafe yang samar-samar dialiri air hujan..Hampir setiap hari aku nongkrong di cafe ini, sampai-sampai pemilik cafe ini sudah menjadi teman baik. Cafe ini sering kudatangi bersama dia, maklum dia adalah penggemar berat dengan kopi. 

Sudah lama aku tidak bertemu dengannya karna dipisahkan oleh jarak yang jauh, entah bagaimana kabarnya sekarang. Sampai hari ini aku menunggu di cafe favorit aku dan dia janjian untuk bertemu kembali bernostalgia dan untuk merayakan hari ulang tahunku, yang biasanya dilalui dengan masa-masa suram. Entah kenapa ketika aku datang lagi ke kota ini berdekatan dengan hari ulang tahunku, sengaja juga untuk merayakan berdua dengannya, mungkin karena sudah lama tidak pernah bertemu dan mungkin aku masih merindukan sosoknya.

Aku sudah bersiap berangkat dari hotelku menuju cafe tersebut, aku sudah janjian dengan dia melalui email, aku tuliskan jam 4 sore, aku sudah bersiap-siap berangkat, sudah berdandan rapi dengan baju kesukaanku dan warna biru kesukaanku..aku berharap bisa membuatnya juga merindukanku. 

Akhirnya aku sampai di cafe, suasana masih sepi, masih sedikit orang yang nongkrong di cafe ini, seperti biasa pemilik cafe yang sudah menjadi teman baikku menyapaku dan kaget melihat kehadiranku di cafe ini, seolah-olah seperti melihat hantu, dan ga pernah membayangkan kalau aku akan kembali lagi ke cafe ini. Aku memesan milkshake vanilla kesukaanku, karena dari dulu aku bukanlah penggemar kopi. Pemilik cafe sudah tahu milkshake vanilla yang tidak begitu manis seperti pesananku beberapa tahun yang lalu, masih ingat rupanya. Aku menunggu dan menunggu, aku pikir apa aku salah menuliskan jam nya sehingga dia terlambat datang?, yah seperti biasanya memang dia dari dulu selalu jam karet, ga pernah tepat waktu., tapi masa udah lama tidak bertemupun ia masih tetap tidak berubah? apakah masih sama seperti dulu yang selalu terlambat? 

Aku masih menunggu beberapa jam, sampai aku merasa lelah sendiri menunggu, dan ulang tahunku aku lewatkan dalam kesendirian dan merenung. Sampai akhirnya aku cape sekali dan aku pun kembali ke hotel di tempat aku menginap. Dalam hati hanya berkata mungkin dia sudah memutuskan untuk tidak datang, dan memutuskan untuk tidak akan berteman lagi denganku begitu pikiran aku. AKupun pamit dengan pemilik cafe, dan kembali ke hotel dengan perasaan tidak menentu.

Sesampai di hotel aku merasa sangat kesepian, dan memutuskan untuk melihat kembali email yang aku kirimkan padanya. AKu buka lagi, dan baru saja aku lihat bahwa aku menuliskan jam 16.00, tetapi aku lupa bahwa ada perbedaan waktu yang panjang, aku sangat menyesal, aku tidak punya kesempatan bertemu dengannya lagi. Akupun meratapi kebodohanku, yah memang aku juga tidak meminta no telponnya. Sungguh hari ulang tahun yang meyedihkan. 

Akhirnya aku putuskan untuk kembali lagi ke cafe tersebut, siapa tahu dia masih disana menungguku begitu pikirku. Tapi ketika sampai disana, aku tidak melihat dia, hanya ada orang lain yang sedang nongkrong. Pemilik cafe menghampiriku, dan bilang bahwa dia sudah datang dan menunggu sangat lama, mukanya terlihat sedih, dan menitipkan sebuah kado yang ditujukan buat aku. Kado itu berbentuk kotak kecil berwarna biru seperti warna kesukaanku dihiasi dengan pita putih.... ketika aku buka kado itu, isinya adalah sebuah cincin. Sebuah cincin yang dulu sangat aku inginkan. Sejak saat itu aku tidak pernah menerima email darinya lagi dan aku pun tak pernah mengirimkan email darinya. Tidak ada penjelasan dari kejadian waktu itu, akupun tak ingin memberikan penjelasan. Dia menghilang bagaikan ditelan bumi.  _End_

Sad Wednesday

I'm very sad tonight, really really sad.....My mom called and said something that hurting me much....I care about my mother, but I really don't understand why she never proud of me....coz now I'm not yet successful enough for her....And she always compare me with my childhood friend who can make much money became a goverment employee. I really hate compared with someone else, really really hate, even she is my mother.....She knew that I really hate being compared with someone else, but she do that over and over again....really make me down and really sad..

Tonight I can't control my emotion, and I mad at her....She also mad at me...I just hung up her phone, and I really need time alone to figure out what happened...It is about time, of course I want to be successful person, I make effort every single day, and grab opportunities around me.....This time I'm not successful enough I admit it, but I know that someday I'll be successful, it just about time....I really believe I will. But what make me really sad that person who I love much doesn't believe what I'm doing right now, and not support me or encourage me....Really sad.....

From now, I will make a huge effort more and more again, no matter what I must be successful, If that make my mother proud of me.

Hello March

Hello march, time going so fastly....just thought still in January...but the fact is March...hmmmm for 2 months I've been busy with my online shop, its been  1 and half year ago I've been starting this shop....looked like my shop begin to grow bigger...Amin....hopefully...

This week, I've been thinking about new website for my shop, I called my friend who can design a webstore and I looking for a nice name for my shop, any idea guys? still looking for the right name for my shop....slowly but sure...

On this March so many cute collection in my shop, as an owner I feel like I want take it all clothes for my own...hmmmmm, hopefully my lovely customer really like March collection....Almost my friends are my customer, they trust me for their fashion...really good honour for me....

Actually I love to help my customer to pick their style, and make them comfortable with their own body, coz few people feel not comfortable with their body, they always complain about their stomach, arm, feet, etc....Just confidence with ur self, that make u beautuful always....

At the other time, when I realize that I don't have a perfect body, I just stand up at the mirror and say that I'm pretty, and that make me comfortable with my body and confidence....U know, all women are beautiful....not just outside but also inside.... I prefer like beautiful inside, coz beautiful outside can be fake....U can get the plastic surgery like korean artist make u really beautifull outside, but to have a beautiful inside u can't do with plastic surgery rite?

I have an solution too for beautiful outside, not just with plastic surgery, but with perfect make up u can be beautiful....I learn make up from You Tube tutorial, apperance is important, because everybody in the world look at u at the first from ur appearance....even though there is aphorism "don't judge the book by the cover".