April 03, 2012

Tough week

On 31st march, I called my mom, coz that day was her birthday....And I took chance to apologize to her, even I am not feeling guilty...but for the best to me and my mom, I told her I am sorry and she just act like we never really have a different argue...

So far I am happy to talk with my mom again...I feel so relieve...


This week is tough for me, I feel now that I lost a friend, I thought that she was different person, I really don't understand her anymore....My friend is getting married soon, but I dont think that her future husband is a good guy, I try to tell my friend, but that is useless, she dont trust me, and stay with her decision. Now I really dont want to interfere again or to advise her again. It's enough for me to tell her, and all of that is depend on helself. 


This week, my project with my coworker is over, and I've been really busy to finish it...almost everyday we have a meeting...But beside that, I am happy, I can practise my knowledge ....Hmmm because I am not use everyday , I am not work at company anymore...But sometime, I really can't manage my time, I've been work all day long with my computer and my blackberry...I think this time that I really should re-organize my time.....I just wanna be a success person who can make my dream come true and make my parent proud, is that simple?


Nowadays, even I seldom go to church, I've been thinking about God mostly..Maybe I've been so far away from spiritual activity, I am not fanatic and not really like talking about religion, but I just grateful for His blessing lately...


March 28, 2012

Escape

It's been a while I never touched this blog, I've been busy all day all the time, time to re-organize my things, my work and my life....


I felt lost lately, felt that I wanna go somewhere to escape from my fear, my problem...
I've been so busy this day, have to learn more and more about how to manage my time...I felt so exhausted, coz I can't leave my blackberry for a while, coz my shop in there, customer ask and ask about product, and  they keep message till midnight, I don't have time to watch movie again and relax again....maybe it is because of me want to work harder and harder to reach my goals....I started this bussiness from zero, from nothing... I quit from my work, move to another work, and don't have money to start this bussiness... But I really believe that with hard work I can do what I want to do. I started from sell someone else's product without any capital, just get it from that profit until I can buy blackberry and start my own bussiness.... And this bussiness also stressful though, but sometime I enjoyed that... I love to see people wear the gorgoeus dress and make them pretty....



At some point I really need relax and really wanna go somewhere to escape from all of this...An try to get my spirit back... Sometimes this bussiness up and down, this make my feeling like a rollercoaster... And then I feel jealous with someone's life, seems like they can reach whatever they want easily..... But sometime I'm just happy with my life, with people who loves me much, and really care about me, my bestfriend who always be here for me even she so far.... 


I figure it out that I need learn something new, that make me stress that I do the same routines everyday, I need something different, dont have time back to college continue again my study, I thinking about taking cooking course? or computer course or back to japanese course?, really need to do something to refresh my brain, dont want my knowledge just stuck in my head....


Or maybe I can teach accounting for free? for they who really want to learn that, coz Its difficult to find someone who really interest about accounting....So many option there... But I dont have any move, which one I really want to do to escape my routines....




 



March 20, 2012

Selamat Ulang Tahun -Cerpen

Hari ini hujan rintik-rintik, aku menatap ke arah jendela cafe yang samar-samar dialiri air hujan..Hampir setiap hari aku nongkrong di cafe ini, sampai-sampai pemilik cafe ini sudah menjadi teman baik. Cafe ini sering kudatangi bersama dia, maklum dia adalah penggemar berat dengan kopi. 



Sudah lama aku tidak bertemu dengannya karna dipisahkan oleh jarak yang jauh, entah bagaimana kabarnya sekarang. Sampai hari ini aku menunggu di cafe favorit aku dan dia janjian untuk bertemu kembali bernostalgia dan untuk merayakan hari ulang tahunku, yang biasanya dilalui dengan masa-masa suram. Entah kenapa ketika aku datang lagi ke kota ini berdekatan dengan hari ulang tahunku, sengaja juga untuk merayakan berdua dengannya, mungkin karena sudah lama tidak pernah bertemu dan mungkin aku masih merindukan sosoknya.



Aku sudah bersiap berangkat dari hotelku menuju cafe tersebut, aku sudah janjian dengan dia melalui email, aku tuliskan jam 4 sore, aku sudah bersiap-siap berangkat, sudah berdandan rapi dengan baju kesukaanku dan warna biru kesukaanku..aku berharap bisa membuatnya juga merindukanku. 





Akhirnya aku sampai di cafe, suasana masih sepi, masih sedikit orang yang nongkrong di cafe ini, seperti biasa pemilik cafe yang sudah menjadi teman baikku menyapaku dan kaget melihat kehadiranku di cafe ini, seolah-olah seperti melihat hantu, dan ga pernah membayangkan kalau aku akan kembali lagi ke cafe ini. Aku memesan milkshake vanilla kesukaanku, karena dari dulu aku bukanlah penggemar kopi. Pemilik cafe sudah tahu milkshake vanilla yang tidak begitu manis seperti pesananku beberapa tahun yang lalu, masih ingat rupanya. Aku menunggu dan menunggu, aku pikir apa aku salah menuliskan jam nya sehingga dia terlambat datang?, yah seperti biasanya memang dia dari dulu selalu jam karet, ga pernah tepat waktu., tapi masa udah lama tidak bertemupun ia masih tetap tidak berubah? apakah masih sama seperti dulu yang selalu terlambat? 



Aku masih menunggu beberapa jam, sampai aku merasa lelah sendiri menunggu, dan ulang tahunku aku lewatkan dalam kesendirian dan merenung. Sampai akhirnya aku cape sekali dan aku pun kembali ke hotel di tempat aku menginap. Dalam hati hanya berkata mungkin dia sudah memutuskan untuk tidak datang, dan memutuskan untuk tidak akan berteman lagi denganku begitu pikiran aku. AKupun pamit dengan pemilik cafe, dan kembali ke hotel dengan perasaan tidak menentu.



Sesampai di hotel aku merasa sangat kesepian, dan memutuskan untuk melihat kembali email yang aku kirimkan padanya. AKu buka lagi, dan baru saja aku lihat bahwa aku menuliskan jam 16.00, tetapi aku lupa bahwa ada perbedaan waktu yang panjang, aku sangat menyesal, aku tidak punya kesempatan bertemu dengannya lagi. Akupun meratapi kebodohanku, yah memang aku juga tidak meminta no telponnya. Sungguh hari ulang tahun yang meyedihkan. 



Akhirnya aku putuskan untuk kembali lagi ke cafe tersebut, siapa tahu dia masih disana menungguku begitu pikirku. Tapi ketika sampai disana, aku tidak melihat dia, hanya ada orang lain yang sedang nongkrong. Pemilik cafe menghampiriku, dan bilang bahwa dia sudah datang dan menunggu sangat lama, mukanya terlihat sedih, dan menitipkan sebuah kado yang ditujukan buat aku. Kado itu berbentuk kotak kecil berwarna biru seperti warna kesukaanku dihiasi dengan pita putih.... ketika aku buka kado itu, isinya adalah sebuah cincin. Sebuah cincin yang dulu sangat aku inginkan. Sejak saat itu aku tidak pernah menerima email darinya lagi dan aku pun tak pernah mengirimkan email darinya. Tidak ada penjelasan dari kejadian waktu itu, akupun tak ingin memberikan penjelasan. Dia menghilang bagaikan ditelan bumi.  _End_

March 07, 2012

Sad Wednesday

I'm very sad tonight, really really sad.....My mom called and said something that hurting me much....I care about my mother, but I really don't understand why she never proud of me....coz now I'm not yet successful enough for her....And she always compare me with my childhood friend who can make much money became a goverment employee. I really hate compared with someone else, really really hate, even she is my mother.....She knew that I really hate being compared with someone else, but she do that over and over again....really make me down and really sad..


Tonight I can't control my emotion, and I mad at her....She also mad at me...I just hung up her phone, and I really need time alone to figure out what happened...It is about time, of course I want to be successful person, I make effort every single day, and grab opportunities around me.....This time I'm not successful enough I admit it, but I know that someday I'll be successful, it just about time....I really believe I will. But what make me really sad that person who I love much doesn't believe what I'm doing right now, and not support me or encourage me....Really sad.....


From now, I will make a huge effort more and more again, no matter what I must be successful, If that make my mother proud of me.

March 03, 2012

Hello March

Hello march, time going so fastly....just thought still in January...but the fact is March...hmmmm for 2 months I've been busy with my online shop, its been  1 and half year ago I've been starting this shop....looked like my shop begin to grow bigger...Amin....hopefully...


This week, I've been thinking about new website for my shop, I called my friend who can design a webstore and I looking for a nice name for my shop, any idea guys? still looking for the right name for my shop....slowly but sure...


On this March so many cute collection in my shop, as an owner I feel like I want take it all clothes for my own...hmmmmm, hopefully my lovely customer really like March collection....Almost my friends are my customer, they trust me for their fashion...really good honour for me....


Actually I love to help my customer to pick their style, and make them comfortable with their own body, coz few people feel not comfortable with their body, they always complain about their stomach, arm, feet, etc....Just confidence with ur self, that make u beautuful always....


At the other time, when I realize that I don't have a perfect body, I just stand up at the mirror and say that I'm pretty, and that make me comfortable with my body and confidence....U know, all women are beautiful....not just outside but also inside.... I prefer like beautiful inside, coz beautiful outside can be fake....U can get the plastic surgery like korean artist make u really beautifull outside, but to have a beautiful inside u can't do with plastic surgery rite?


I have an solution too for beautiful outside, not just with plastic surgery, but with perfect make up u can be beautiful....I learn make up from You Tube tutorial, apperance is important, because everybody in the world look at u at the first from ur appearance....even though there is aphorism "don't judge the book by the cover".  

February 23, 2012

Make up test

I've been really busy lately with my daily activities, from packing package, manage money for paying supplier, manage account receivable, went to the bank, etc..


But meanwhile, I went to my friend's photography studio for getting financial report, coz I'm the accounting who don't really there maybe just once a week, coz I can do my work at my place, don't have to go office everyday.....


Make up artist who make up customer resigned from her work, so my friend looking for another make up artist, and I always be a victim who will try her make up...because my friend said that to make up me is really hard work and tough dough coz my eyes is difficult hahaaha....


Yeah I admit, for make up artist who make up me is really hard dough...For me especially I really prefer make up by myself, learn tutorial from you tube....But as my promise, I go to studio, I let my self to made up by a new make up artist.....






After then, I photographed by a new photographer for practise, really complete then....this is my picture...Hmmmm I edited by my self using adobe photoshop..hehehhe.....I chose this picture coz I like the my messy hair...I never really done this before, coz I really like a natural hair and smoothy hair....I looked chubby here, really don't have idea....It's been a long time I never took a picture then....
I will share another photos then, when my friend have done edited it.....Have a nice day :)

February 21, 2012

Education

Lot of my friends asked me, why u should get ur master degree and your Accounting Profession education, what for? That always be my dream that I have master degree and graduated from Accounting Profession as Accountant officially, even in real job I'm accountant....but really happy to finish it and reach one of my dream....




Then my friends asked me again, when u work at company maybe it will be work to ur position, but now u just running ur online shop, u don't have to have a master degree to run it rite?.... I just laugh, yeah maybe, but in my mind, they just see from the outside, but for me, my education really make me as a detail person, accountable, perfectionist....From theory I learn about strategy, about how to work smart way....HOw to measure ur company performance..., For 5 years I've been working for someone else's company, even I work so hard, my carrier just in a same step...But different way when I have shop, I can manage my time, manage my sale skill, my marketing, my financial....and having a lot of experience, and also enjoy my hardwork as result have a extra money...




I still remembered when I was in college, my ex really againts me to continue my study, he said that I can't manage my time for him when I busy to study, but I still continue study without his permission....Really lucky that day I follow my dream, not follow him, I still have a master degree, but not with him....so I don't have to regret rite? 



Now, I'm still an accountant, accountant from my own bussiness, and learn how to be a real owner, this is just start step, I have a big dream to reach it. How 'bout you? do u agree education is important for ur life?

February 19, 2012

Random

It's been a while I never blogged, I miss writing....sometime there is a lot of idea , but at the moment I can't do..coz so many things to think lately.....Actually I'am a thinker, even that is small thing, that really bothering me to solve it and make it right...when the small thing not yet finished, I can't sleep at the night, stil thinking and thinking all over again in my mind.


That was really bothering me, nothing I can do to stop thinking the small things, like what I'm gonna do tomorrow, how about my shop, 'bout my life, 'bout money, etc...


On Vals day, I didn't write, coz I'm not a vals fans, Pinky everywhere, yuck, don't like it. Its weird I think, when woman don't like vals day. Not because I'm weirdo, but I think that show ur affection and love not just in vals day, but everyday with someone u loved....







February 11, 2012

Too Tired Being a Yes Woman

Yeah, when u read that title, maybe u just know what I mean......I'm so tired being a yes woman, can't refuse anyone request, to afraid refuse just don't wanna someone getting hurt....


But at the same time I really really tired being used, even my friend, I always help them to do stupid things that they can do by theirself, but they too lazy to do that thing....At this time my level of tiredness in a low level. I'm sick of that, really really hate this stuff, and I want learn being selfish for this time.... I learn how to refuse they request to help this to help that, seems like I'm their assistant, really hate it...This situation repeat again and again and again.....Don't know why they don't do by theirself...Why me? why why?


And really don't like when someone have to ask me to do this or to do that, this is my self, and I own myself, even my parents never ask me to do this as a must.....why have to someone else have to ask me? I do what I like and I love, nobody can forbid me to do what I like... I like being free, not under other's control...


SOunds like selfish, but I have to learn this because lately, lot of people make me angry, I'm passion enough with them, but none of them really apreciate me as a human being, really hate it.....


Now I don't care what people thinking about me, or whatever, like someone said " life is a once, u can choose what life do u want" He makes a point, and I agree with him....I don't give a damn about someone's life, and other people too, they don't have to give a damn about my life, about what I wanna do, Just do ur bussiness dude!!!!....


I'm not ask u for money, for something else, so, why I have to listen to you??? I'm a grow up woman, so don't u think that I can take care of my self without ur any advice or suggestion?? Just leave me alone, and stop asking.....



February 08, 2012

Married with ur ex? really?

I heard so many times that my friends married with their ex, ow really? that was coming to my mind, are u insane? maybe they have a reason why, but make the same mistakes again? oh no, I can't imagine that....


For me, its like u eat food that u don't like, really really don't...., I'm happy with my life now, and for sure good for me for not to be with my ex for rest of my life....thanks God...



But, nowadays my bestfriend will marry her ex, ow really? I just can't stop thinking why she decides that...I have told her to figure out one more time and make sure that desicion is final. I care bout my bestfriend, but, I can't push her rite? she has decision to make, and she knows about the consequences, I just hope that she really happy with her decision. I'll support her even though I'm disagree..... Who I am to push her rite?



So many my friends affraid being single and alone, they push theirself to find husband, and they just find a man and then marry....just like that, seems like very simple to find a good husband....


And so many times too, people asked me when I'm married, thats really bothering question, and I'm really dislike that question, not because I'm not married yet, but its because why u people wants to know about my life?? so annoying...


I don't know how thats feel being married, maybe I have to ask my friend who already married....Yeah sometimes come to my mind, but not bothering me to married soon like desperate woman who really want married....


Married is about commitment and really need a lot of thinking for sure, coz u spend the rest of your life with ur husband/wife...really have to accept who they are, and what they are....